It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
