So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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