Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
