The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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