fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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