New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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