I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
