if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
