I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
