I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
