hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
