Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
