I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
