so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
