So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
