If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
