Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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