So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
