She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
