im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
