i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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