between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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