I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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