Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
