i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
