Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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