so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
