Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
