she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
