i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
