Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
