Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
