She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
