So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
