We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
