I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
