tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
