My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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