Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
