Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
