so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
