While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
