normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
