I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
