So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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