Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Randomize
