I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
These tits shall not be calmed
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