come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
