We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
