all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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