he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Welp...herpes.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
