If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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