How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Found your dick twin last night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
