As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
