i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
