Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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