oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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