I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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